ha-liarious!!!

last night i went to see david sedaris do a little reading at the adrienne arscht art center (tiny picture above- very cool building). i was flying solo, and was a little lonely at first, but dealt with it rather well i think. you know, leaning against a pillar in the lobby, checking the text messages, waiting until the crowd filtered into the concert hall, when little david sedaris walks around me with his little tote bag, and went over to this table he had set up for book signing. several of his friends were there and they all hugged. it was a very personal moment to see david prior to his lecture (even though there were tons of people in the lobby with us).

the reading was, of course, hilarious. he is such a funny writer, and his delivery is fantastic. the entire audience was laughing their heads off together. a very universal moment.

being that this happened in miami, however, guarantees that there were some special "miami" moments that i have to share right now.

(1) the mother-daughter in the lobby. shortly after david sedaris walked by, a mother-daughter pair walked by. black dresses, tight, forever-21 ish, weird long bell sleeves, like L.A. style. each dress had different animal print flare on it, the kind that isnt just black and white or orange and black, but the kind that is reprinted in pink or green- you know, minor flare, but flare nonetheless. heavy black eye liner, all around. lipstick. long, long hair that needed a trim or deep conditioning. have you ever??? all i could think was, these people? are at the same reading i am? these people like david sedaris?

(2) every woman i saw walking to & fro the bathroom (you know, my constant bladder) was consistently dressed to the 9s. wearing skimpy dresses that showed off every line of underwear (yes, even thongs)- very very tight. heels. hair blown out. serious make-up. again. are these women at the same thing? the same reading? they read???

(3) my seat was way up high, third tier, but great view of the stage. it wasnt too crowded up there, but there were people on my sides & in back. lets talk about the people in back of me. it was a guy, in the middle, and a girl on each side. friends. the guy kept talking about himself- one of those people, "you know i was so successful in banking because i really took the initiative (insert story about how amazing he was at being assertive here)". this kind of "conversation" went on for a while. each time he said something, one of the girls would vacantly, vapidly say something along the lines of "ohhhh wooooww, (insert the last three words the guy said here". thus, each parcel of the conversation would go like this:

guy: "yeah, i mean, i really think you need to try at work to make your supervisors take notice, because thats what ive done, and its extremely successful."

girl 1: "ooooh wooow, its been extremely successful?"

guy: "i mean, not everyone can do it, but there is certainly always room for people who push themselves, and thats what i did, and its really worked."

girl 2: "yeaah, wooow, so you really pushed yourself?"

im not joking here. the worst part of this exchange, other than hearing these inane conversation, was that they then started talking about new york. he said he had moved to miami from new york after september 11. that he knew people who died, which of course, the girls responded to by saying "oooh wooooow you knew people who dieeeed??". shortly thereafter, one of the girls said, "yes, everytime i go to new york, i cry." this borders inbetween, to me, hilarity and serious angry or discomfort- like really? youre bragging that you knew people who died in sept 11? who are you?

how is this possible? its just miami.

it gets better. because it was a funny show, people kept laughing of course, no holds barred. then, i could hear the guy behind me laughing. very distinct. very short. very awkward. a "ha. ha. ha." kind of laugher, monotone, without much volume, but a deep male voice. "ha. ha. ha." at times there were moments of "ha. ha." or even just a plain "ha." but it never sounded like he was actually getting or enjoying the reading. my stereotypical insights made me think perhaps he was uncomfortable with the gay references, but moreso, perhaps he was just uncomfortable with himself. here was this person who surrounded himself with a vacuum of girls chorusing his very words, and at the end, he was just a mildly unamuzed laugher. i mean, sad.

when i was driving out of the garage after the show, i somehow ran over a curb which made a horrible noise, and made my car clunk down again. i briefly considered getting out to check the damage, but instead, drove away quickly, worried that the line of people behind me would recognize i really had no idea where i was going or how to actually pull out of a garage. oh, miami.

tomorrow is friday, thankfully, and i am much looking forward to going out with candice and her friends, who will be in town. it should be a lot of fun. at least, i am looking forward to meeting some new people, seeing some more ridiculous outfits, hearing more vapidity, but more importantly, experiencing the bizarreness that is surely the meatpacking district of the sunshine state. saturday its supposed to be sunny, hot & beachy, and then sunday i am off to atlanta for a few days. a good few days ahead i.am.positive!!!

xoxo