its good to be thankful

its been a long long day, full of stress like you cant imagine. i was at work this morning and something happened to my eyes, total distortion and disorientation, and i had to rush to the eye doctor over at mount sinai; my office mate nicole drove me over, waited, and then when it was all over, took me back to work- a comfort that i wouldnt have expected to exist. thankfully nothing is lastingly done, no permanent damage, but it was incredibly scary to think: this is it. i might have distorted vision forever. its not the sort of thing to go into in depth online, it feels too impersonal and awkward and still uncomfortable and unexplainable and yet just grinding back, making me remember that horrible feeling. so instead i will just say that it makes me feel ever so fortunate that most of the time, we worry about senseless little details, like waiting for the cable guy, or if we will run into traffic on the way to work, and whether there are fun evening plans, or if the weekend will be sunny or not. these things always compromise our days and we are lucky, very lucky, that they distract us from those unthinkable things, those things we take for granted: our health, our family, the love that we have in our lives, just being able to breathe and exist. so at the risk of sounding preachy, i am so thankful for all of you and for everything. to many more healthy & happy times ahead. a belated new years wish.

xo

back in effect

finally! internet restored. it was a certain trial this morning-- i didnt sleep very well, worried that i was going to miss the call from atlantic broadband to say that the installer was downstairs. so i was up at 9, anticipating the 'appointment' between 8.30-12.30pm... and lo and behold, after a rather productive and lovely morning of listening to 'this american life', mopping the floors, cleaning insanely, crafting up a pot of rattatoulie with accompanying pasta-- he still hadnt shown. i know this may be hard to believe, but im not like most people on a sunday morning. im up, and i need an activity. unfortunately, i couldnt even leave the house to get the nytimes since i was worried i would miss the service call and thus, miss the appointment. so i waited and waited and grew increasingly skeptical and called and yelled at the cable company. finally, like a twist of miami-ian fate, the guy shows up-- at 1.45pm. and doesnt apologise. barely explains why he is so late. actually has the nerve to say, "hey, i had 7 appointments this morning. some took a while. they shouldnt have scheduled so many for me. its not YOUR fault." (um...... NO, youre right. its not. more likely-- its *your* fault sir, for not calling and letting me know you would be late). this is all while the sun is shining beautifully outside, npr reports that it is climbing in temperature, and the ocean looks sparkling... 

after successfully acting like a cranky mean bitch to the aforementioned cable guy, i finally got outside. spent some time on the beach, took a nice walk uptown a bit, and collected more groceries for a pot of vegetable soup. cooking is so therapeutic-- its so calming and fun and tasty to boot. i love having sundays to cook like this. 

friday night we had drinks at the setai hotel after work, which was very pretty and predictably pricey. its funny, when you're paying $17 for a martini, you start to think- why pay for this when i can pay a few more dollars more for what i really want: a nice glass of verve cliquot. now, i know were in a recession. but when youre paying up the nose anyway, its nice to then whip out a credit card to cover your tasty champagne purchases. this is something i usually would not do- i would shudder to think of it actually- but it so wonderful in the moment.  then we carried on to have dinner at a nearby new-american place for dinner- talula. the food was fine- just that my pasta was overly salted. when i was telling my dad about this, he said, oh you should have sent it back, sent it back. this made me cringe recalling my childhood and even adult experiences with my dad, ordering and sending things back, sitting somewhere and asking for another table after feeling a draft... these things i love about my dad, with reserve of course- they are so him, so new york woody allan neurotic jewish upper west sider. then it made me think-- why *didnt* i say something? on the one hand- i was paying for a moderately-priced meal, i deserved something that didnt make me pucker... on the other hand-- an overly salted pasta dish would likely implicate, to me, that there is something wrong with restaurant- why overly salt anything? wasnt someone paying attention? was it masking something? tastelessness? (this coming from a girl who likes salt). anyway in the end it was just fine, i drank enough water to compensate, and was thankfully in bed by midnight (unless i would turn into a pumpkin!)

yesterday i hit up the rubell family collection, a private art collection that is housed in a large, museum-esque gallery space, to see a new show called '30 americans'-- a show of 30+ african american artists, all contemporary.  we had gone to the opening night dinner-celebration during art basel and i was excitedly able to meet a few of the artists, but i hadnt been able to make it to the show until now. it was so-so, some of the work was good-- i particularly liked one piece that had advertisements from the 1960s through to 2008- juxtaposed together, all featuring african-americans- i.e., what and how companies marketed to them as seen through the ads. it was actually very sociological- which i enjoyed. after spending an hour or two there, i headed to another nearby gallery where there was a collection of some robert rauschenberg prints & paintings- absolutely stunning. i saw them on the walls and wanted one so badly. they were prints, so some of them were in the more "affordable" range - but still 7-8k... oh one day we will be able to support the arts. until then, i am happy with the occasional visits.

its officially a bummer that tomorrow is monday, but i am eating delicious pumpkin pudding and trying to ignore that obviousness. let us wish a wonderful week to us all!

xoxo

P: Feel Good!

So I just got back from a 6 mile run outside along the Charles, and God, I feel good! I don't often have such a positive take on myself/life/things in general, but there's something about getting your adrenaline going in 14 degree real feel temp, and leaping over patches of ice and feeling the bitter wind bite your ears and fingers and you just feel so alive!!!

My roommate's friend Amy joined in on the running group run, and afterwards we had a bagel/egg/sausage/crepes breakfast with everyone. Today was a small turnout, but still that meant like 30 people. Sheesh! So I just showered up and am debating whether I should go to the library, to Espresso Royale, to Starbucks, or if I should just go to Copley Plaza and see if J. Crew is having any sales.

So at breakfast, everyone kept talking about this big snowstorm coming on tonight. We're to get 5-8 inches. I wandered into a conversation where a couple of guys and girls were talking about SNOW BOOTS. I felt like I was in Antarctica or something. Like, in NY everyone talks about apts and rents, in Colorado I bet everyone talks about the ski conditions, and here, people talk about snowstorms.

Last night, my roommate had a really nice dinner party. There were like 15 people--a couple of married couple friends from Smith, some of her Somers/hs crowd, some BU English lit PhD folks...it was a really nice mix of folks. I knew all but the Smith friends, and there was a TON of food (crackers, cheese, hummus, pretzels + dip, chips + salsa, meatatarian baked ziti, salad, bread (my fave!), wine, and like 8 different kinds of dessert. Sheila's mom is so sweet--her parents came in from the Cape yesterday to drop off these huge trays of food and prewashed and chopped salad. They strike me as a very wholesome Irish family, and I say all of this and I've yet to meet her parents.

Anyway, it's been almost 2 hrs since I got home from my run, and I've been wasting time watching 30 Rock and Lipstick Jungle on nbc.com . I think I'm going to read, take a nap whilst reading, eat leftover Queen of Sheba cake (chocolate with a creamy, slightly underdone ganache/almondy/rum-infused center), and look over my notes from yesterday. Before, of course, this big snowstorm takes over!

cheers, P

P: New Year in Boston

The weather is really starting to suck here, surprise, surprise. The sidewalks and streets are a disgusting mix of slush and ice, and essentially the precipitation can't make up its mind as to whether it wants to be sleet or snow or rain or what. I've been less than productive since returning Sunday night, but I have to say, I've had the best of intentions. Sunday I cooked a vegetable stew--zucchini, onion, cabbage, Morningstar fake ground "meat," chicken stock, chili powder, paprika, and kale--I've never cooked with it before, and I thought it would wilt in the stew, so I left them in stringy chunks, but that didn't quite work. I also made a pot of quinoa in the rice cooker, and I'm not used to eating it. It tastes like nothing. At least, nothing appetizing.

Monday night some classmates and I went to Milky Way, a bowling alley-bar-restaurant, where they do a $7 pizza buffet Mon evenings. Naturally, when I am put in front of a buffet, I try to "milk" (get it? pun??) my money's worth. It was in this neighborhood called Jamaica Plain, which is rough around the edges but has recently had a renaissance among artists and lesbians (it's also the origin of the ice cream shop JP Lick's). It's also a pain in the arse to get to. I walked for 20 minutes to catch the #39 bus, rode that for 20 min, then arrived. When I looked it up on a map, it would take the same amount of time just to walk the whole thing door-to-door from my apt, , but you have to cross the Emerald Necklace (the name given to a long string of green park), and it's kind of super ghetto, esp as a single gal at night.

Here's an example of how small world Boston is--a few blocks after I left my apt , I saw a young couple (presumably BU studnets) walking behind me. I was a tiny bit turned around, so I asked them the best way to get to Longwood and Huntington. They pointed me there, and I stopped at CVS to try to fill up my Charlie card (T pass), but they didn't have a T pass htingamabob. Anyway, I get to the 39 bus stop, and I see this couple there. I get off at Perkins St and Centre St, find my way to Milky Way, get a drink at the bar, then meet up with my classmates, and then I see this couple again. It's like, the only place anyone goes to in JP on a Monday night would be this bowling alley bar.

This wouldn't be quite so uncanny if I didn't find that everyone in Boston always refers to the same hot spots in a given neighborhood: Zaftig's deli and Publick House bar in Brookline, Sunset Bar & Grill and Super 88 in Allston, Bukowski's in Back Bay, JJ Foley's near South Station, Grendel's in Harvard Sq, Masa in South End, always Fugakyu for Japanese or Tamarind Bay for Indian... I'm struck by the unanimity in social hotspots for Bostonians young and old, student or professional.

Anyway, bowling at Milky Way was with these small bocce balls, and you get 3 rolls to knock down the pins. I came in 8th place out of 8 people, but what can you do? Bowling's not my forte.

The past couple of days have also been tied up at the BU School of Dental medicine, which is in a kind of pain in the ass location as well. So far I went to 2 separate 2+ hour appts, and I have another 3hr appt in 2 weeks, followed by another consult. I rue the day I dropped $300 for their stupid plan. I tried to stage a coup to get a refund, but the director started ignoring my emails. I was going to threaten to write a negative piece in BU Today on the dental plan (claiming, falsely, that I was a freelancer for the online daily paper), but then my conscience, I guess, thought better of it.

I also made friends with this Korean kid in the theology school, and we are starting a Korean-English language exchange, 1-2x a week. It will be a way for him to practice his English and for me to practice my Korean. Hopefully by the time I'm ready to ship off, I will be better versed in the subtler points of grammar and conversation.

I'm writing today from the BU gym, after having run 4 very slow miles, and having done a couple of free weight exercises and some crunches. I have been taking it easy since I've been back, as I felt a twinge in my knee while running on Monday. I iced it up and took Tues and Wed off, and today was going to go at it to make up for the missed days, but then I started to taste the cofffee I had drunk a few hours earlier coming up the other way. Gross.

Tonight I'm meeting some kids in my running group at this restaurant called The Fireplace in Brookline/Washington Sq--Morgan, Sydney, Christine and I met there for brunch a while back. Thurs nights they do live jazz, so it should be fun! And tomorrow's my roommate's birthday (Morgan, Sheila's a day older than you!), so she's having a little dinner party back at the apt.

Well, wish me a more productive day tomorrow than today!

in love with the tea

every year around this time, i brew myself a little obsession. i fondly remember long hours in the library during finals time, trying to stay warm and hydrated, drinking this beverage and falling head over heels. ok, an exaggeration? not really. its candy cane lane baby, decaf green tea with vanilla and peppermint, and i am the proud owner and constant drinker now in the office. i swear, its the only thing that has gotten me through this week thus far. that, and my apparent turbo-determination to finish my current project in preparation for the next two before the last week of the month. a little hectic. (actually, given the hecticness, i am similarly starting to worry that at some point, the boss will steal mlk day away from us, even though it is again a federal holiday. we all recall what happened to veteran's day though-- straight out the window, predictably perhaps, without so much as an apology or concern. such is the life of working for someone who could be deemed, from time to time, a little obsessive).

(in fact, to continue the tangent, i am actually considering signing up for a run on mlk day morning so that i have to do something fun beforehand. however, this run takes place in an area that, i have been told, is featured in the video game 'grand theft auto' and surrounds projects. now, runs usually take place somewhere scenic, nice, whatever. but a run near burned-out cars, drug dealers, and scary streets? i mean... i dont quite get it. still though, the motivational factor of a day off, in conjunction with the understanding that i will be the proud owner ofa t-shirt that melds both mlk jr and obama together- not kidding - it kind of still makes me want to go).

sadly, internet is officially out at the homestead so i am writing this asap while i finish up work for the day. i kept telling myself that i would finish it all today, finish finish finish. but i am stuck with another edit, printed out in front of me. my goal is to truck through at least half of it so that i can officially move on in the morning, but it still remains a struggle. im sure you can understand patty- but editing one's own work when you feel like youre swimming in incoherence (even if it is, actually, ok writing) is a horrible feeling. i like to distract myself instead with little things, like did i cite that case right? but then remember while im in the middle of that minor project, i actually hate checking citations and it brings back all the horrors and intense rushie-feelings that i had when i used to have to cite-check for the journal in law school. alas alas. we always tend to forget these things, dont we? or at least i do. [paint a glossy picture over it, try not to remember the worst of it... and then you are back there, all over again].

yes actually, speaking OF! last week i had a nightmare that i was late to take the bar exam, and i was running through my elementary school (or was it bronx science?) and i couldnt find my assigned room, and no one knew where i should go, and etc etc etc... it was utter and complete panic. i woke up so tense, scared, horrified that i had showed up 45 minutes late to take the bar. its as if all my fears from childhood reoccurred in a more-recent terror. (i used to have repeating nightmares that i was stuck in my elementary school staircase, running up and down. dont ask. it perhaps had nothing to do with my similar fear of having to walk down my friend lucy's very long hallway in her railroad apartment up on 101st street and broadway). (god, what a great apartment that would be to live in now...).

the week is shaping up and shaping out, and tomorrow will be thursday already. as part of my mom's new years resolution for me (um not kidding), i am trying to make more friends. yay! tonight oddly enough, candice is back in town- although im not sure i can handle not heading-out until 10.30pm on a schoolnight. lame? perhaps. but then again, so, most likely, is the scene. tomorrow night ashley & rachel (the cupcake bakers who work next door) and i will go to a happy hour at la la la monty's, my beloved outdoors bar by the bay, and then i will either go with rachel to a movie w some other girls, or watch football with ashley. honestly, i cant picture either one really-- marley and me versus football? which is more tortorous? but i figure after some oysters and liquorish beverages, i could go either way. (or you know, go home). friday the office-mates and i are out to drinks & dinner as well, although weve all been pretty fickle about picking a locale. my first thought always is of course, montys, but i guess its not as classy as some would like. (chanel's major complaint? the drinks taste like dish water. i must note my strong objections). and saturday, who knows- maybe another night out with ashley. i must also get my little run in so that i dont choke at the halfise, and am totally loving my new nike chip for my shoe. oh, how i missed it.thats the week in a nutshell.

in the meantime, i continue to drink my luscious tea, try to edit, and go back and forth as to whether i can wait out the dark, crazy rainstorm that just errupted outside. we shall see....
miss you kids

xoxo

home again home again, jiggidty-jig

sorry again for the belated writing! believe it or not, i was away for new years eve and enjoying the snowy lands of cape cod in wintertime far too much to get myself sitting infront of a non-fire-based activity. truly though, it has been a wonderful vacation. or rather, was a wonderful vacation. now, as always it is back to the old pulse and grind. is that a saying? or did i make that up?

i flew up to cape cod early on new years eve day, sitting with a crying baby behind me and a parent that apparently thought it was a good time to teach the child a lesson by allowing her to cry and cry and cry, instead of comforting her or telling her to shush. now, i understand, parenting is hard and of course you want to instill values in your lil' uns. but not on a plane, and not with a cranky 2 year old who loves to kick the seat in front (i.e., moi). we landed to see a dusting of snow coming down in boston, but it very quickly became a torrent of snowfall, leading to parts of the drive that equaled "white-outs", where you couldnt see anything in front, except maybe every once in a while, the dim headlights of a car about 2 car lengths ahead of you. kind of scary. youd have to ask someone else, however, about the details of just how scary it was, because this kid was asleep in the backseat. i tell you, its something about me in backseats, warm and toasty, i always fall asleep. i used to even do it in the passenger seat. im like a little baby, rock me away.

anyway nye was lovely and calm, benjamin made a delicious dinner and we sat infront of a fire and i think we managed to avoid any nye television until about an hour before the ball dropped. the rest of the weekend was lovely as well-- a brunch on new years day with some family friends (including adorable playful children of all ages, and an odd concotion called 'bennies', their take on eggs benedict that involved, instead of hollandiase, a pool of butter all over eggs/english muffin/plate. talk about intense); walks in the snow; candlepin bowling and drinking at 2pm on friday; thrift-store hopping; diner-breaksfasting; take-out dinner-ing; and marathon-watching of anthony bourdain's show on the travel channel, no reservations.

back in miami, back at work, remembering what it feels like to get frustrated at myself and my writing, have minor hissy fits (internally) before i just either let it go until the editing stage later, or just take some deep breaths and deal with the trouble in question. its not bad to be back, its just been a long day. one gets used to the long hours of sleep and rest and nothingness and afternoon beers for a while, and then pow... back to reality. i suppose i can look on the bright side but right about now, the only thing rushing me along is the threat of more and more work, piling up, until the end of the month. alas, what is one to do. i remain thankful that its about 5.30pm and still sunny out, and that when i walk out of here, instead of bundling up more in clothing, i will be able to take sweaters off and roll windows down.

my little halfsie marathon is in about 3 weeks, im pretty excited and right about now, its the only thing thats getting me running. that, and i finally have a replacement nike/ipod chip to run along with so that lance armstrong can whisper, "you've just set a personal record!" or perhaps paula radcliff can send a congratulatory, "you just had your fastest mile!". yes, they do insert such comments, and yes, i look forward to them.

new years resolutions? do people still do those? ive got a myriad including:

(a) practice spanish more
(b) run more races
(c) volunteer some free time.

item (b) i am confident i can do, since it only involves a momentary "oh that doesnt sound so bad." items (a) and (c) on the other hand, involve some serious comittment, i.e., kind of like my constant new years resolution of "lift weights." i make it every year. its good for me. but i honestly am so bored by it. well, what can you do. tis the nature of the beast to always think we can accomplish something new with a new year, break up the monotany of winter time, make changes to ourselves. in the end, i think its just a distraction to help us remember that we will not die in the abyss of seasonal affective disorders and clouds and that we, in all likelihood, have seriously eaten too many cookies in the past few weeks and need to get back to normal. enough depressing talk.

im off to finish up some last minute work; ill write again if my internet magically reappears at home although right now, i am sadly thinking it wont happen... please, cant someone de-securitize their wireless?

xoxoxo

P: First Post of 2009; Last NY Post Before the Holidays

Happy 2009! Question: Am I over New York? Or is it that my being under the weather (in crappy weather) has clouded my view of my native city? If I could see all of you everyday, then I'd dread leaving; however, much of my NY vaca was spent lying in bed, blowing my nose and generally feeling sorry for myself. Why? Life is good. But that hedonic treadmill keeps beckoning--to quote Wiki, it's the "theory which compares the pursuit of happiness to a person on a treadmill, who has to keep working just to stay in the same place". So like, if you buy a Toyota Camry, you're happy for like 6 months, but then you want a Lexus. So then you buy a Lexus, and you're happier for 6 months, but then you want a Maserati. And so forth, until you're out of breath on the treadmill.

(HEDONIC TREADMILL)

What does this have to do with my personal "happiness?" Not sure I can articulate it exactly, but I'm getting the sense that January is going to be one cold month. It's usually my most anti-social period, so that will suit well as I kick off into Ha Jin's novella class. I will shortly be emailing to him my proposal for 3 novella topics for his class. Eep.

New Year's Eve was (surprise surprise) pretty t/lame, BUT my expectations had been adjusted accordingly so I guess you couldn't call it anticlimactic (which it tends to be every single year). The highlight was getting to see my nephew, but he had just woken up and was a little frowsy and groggy. Two of you guys were down with food poisoning, the weather had a real feel temp of negative 5 degrees, and I also didn't want to end up at parties with just couples (was invited to a couples' potluck and also a diff party where there promised to be single people but one would include a friend who had a falling out with another friend of mine--I wished to avoid such potential drama/awkwardness), AND I didn't want to have to figure out how to get from Brooklyn back to Queens in (aforementioned) negative five degree weather when I still had the sniffles. So I figured I should spend time with the very people that gave birth to me: my parents. My family and I go to the movies about once every two years, and every single time, my parents fall asleep and start snoring--loudly--in the theatre. Or, my mother nudges me every five seconds to ask, "Eh, what did they just say?" And I have to translate loud enough so she can hear, and then Umma ends up falling asleep anyway.

So we saw Yes Man, and I have to say--I was pleasantly surprised. I actually quite enjoyed it, and I don't really like Jim Carrey. I do, however, really like Zooey Deschanel, although I cringed a little in all of their make-out scenes, for two reasons: (1) I was with my parents and (2) Jim Carrey is like, 20 years older than Zooey. Awk! (18 YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE--AWKWARD!)

I later realized Peyton Reed directed it, and then I got all happy--I am a SUCKER for his films. Down with Love? Bring It On? SIGH!

(PEYTON REED!)

We then snuck into Four Christmases, which had to be one of the WORST movies ever. I don't know what crack Tony Scott (i.e., A.O.) was smoking when he wrote this rather flattering NYT review. Anyway, I'm over it.

So it goes. I'm going to go pack my stuff, do laundry, and figure out when I'm heading back to Boston to do work. Happy New Year, everybody!