where has the year gone?

i cant believe it. im sitting here in my almost empty apartment: all the boxes are packed, the bed is bare, the drape are down, the walls are clean. i remember walking in here my first day with a large rolling suitcase and boxes downstairs: i remember sleeping on the floor my first night, on a yoga mat and sleeping bag, waking up to the bright light streaming in, the view of the ocean outside the window. i remember starting work and feeling overwhelmed and wondering if and when id ever make friends, or spend an evening doing something other than talking on the phone or watching t.v.

somewhere in the middle there, it happened. life happened and friends, and suddenly i was busy and had dinner plans and evenings out and somehow would call people i had just met and would make instant friends. not the same as those back home, of course, but still. when i first got here, i would have never thought i would feel like this leaving: i would have never thought i could sit here feeling sad and wishing i could stay longer.

the last few months have been so busy, running around, finishing our bucket list, racking up the evenings out: dinners we had always wanted to go to - le meridian, fogo de chao, prima pasta - and dancing the nights away until the wee hours - buck 15, purdy lounge, liv - and suddenly finding myself surrounded by all these people that i genuinely came to love. an exhausting end, but a wonderful end nonetheless. yesterday, saying goodbye to nicole, i said: whatever lifestyle ive had here - out on monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday - its completely unsustainable. it sucks the life out of you, it makes you lay poolside for hours, hungover, struggle at work from lack of sleep. but its also this life that ive never had before - making myself do things that otherwise, i wouldnt - get out of this comfort zone that is so easy to fall into.

so miami went from being the trashy girl at the party, in her halter top, who is a lot of fun but not that deep, to being the girl you always want to be with! who takes you to bingo and spelling bees on sunday nights; to boxing class on monday; games at the standard on tuesday; pilates several times a week; watching dance movies with new friends; going out seamlessly at midnight on a friday after taking a nap; spending second saturdays at art galleries and the vagabond...

yes, she is still in a halter top, she is still not that deep, but somewhere in her i found an amazing set of people and experiences, and found a certain calm; found a way to take care of myself and relax (something i never thought possible with three years of law school); found a way to spend hours looking at the water, or going on long beloved runs on the beach; smiling at strangers on those runs; meeting new random friends in the local sandbar; living like its the last day, dancing like no one is ever watching, and making friends without ever thinking id have to leave them.

it comes to an end though. but im certain there are more adventures out there this year - starting next week with spain and then peru in october. just visiting new york this week was enough to remind me how much i love the city and all is has to offer - the friends, family, the cool air, the feeling like, "oh yes, i remember." still, i warn you: i'll be back. now that i've oddly fallen in love with this place, i won't be able to avoid it for too long.

xoxoxo