P: J4 Weekend in Western Mass

So while Anne and Annie (or A squared, I suppose) were living it up in Miami, I was heading due west on a bus to Northampton, MA, a quiet little town that is home to Smith College, a prominent lesbian community, and the cutest little downtown with overpriced northern Italian restaurants. Friday night I arrived, and my friend Carolynn picked me up and we headed to search for a dinner joint in town. Spaghetti Freddy's was one option, as I was intrigued by the name! but it was boiling hot inside. So we met up with our friends J. and Becky, who are getting married in October. They drove the hour in to have dinner, which was just so sweet, as I haven't seen them since the reunion last year! So we ended up at SPoleto, for the 3 courses for $20 deal, and we shared a carafe of wine, and even though my spaghetti pesto chicken was nothing to write home about, we still had a great time.

We stopped off for a margarita at Mama Iguana, where Carolynn's bicycle teammate was waiting tables, and then we were off to the Bishop's Lounge for an MJ DANCE PARTY! But I swear, there were the strangest characters there. RIght when we walk in, there's this 40yo librarian-looking lady--totally dowdy, and not even in the library-sexy kind of way, a la Parker Posey in "Party Girl." She's standing by herself, listing from side to side, in an obvious enough way that she's not a wallflower, but yet she's standing against the wall, so she kind of IS being a wallflower. Then there's this tall, skinny black guy in a full-on red jumpsuit, and he was jumping all over the dance floor. But if you're going to wear an attention-grabbing jump suit like that, then you need to at least have the goods to show for it! (ANd he wasn't that good of a dancer). The 5 of us (we are joined by Carolynn's youngest sister Christy) are kind of standing in a circle at first, and then we break it down, Swat Paces-party style. Paces being the one of 2 social venues on all of Swat's campus. We are soon joined by frat boys, sorority girls, long-haired, middle-aged crunchy granola people, a random smattering of Eastern Euro men. And they all want a piece of the action! It was kind of ridiculous. Also, Carolynn's engaged female friends showed up, including one very sweet girl named Amy who wore her blinking Miss Bachelorette sash across her chest (it is my understanding that her actual b-party was a month ago), along with a penis-shaped whistle around her neck. During the course of the evening, she will lasso this penis whistle onto other people. Another of their friends was literally all over the place. YOu needed to dance a 3 foot radius away from her, because you never knew where she might end up. WHen last I turned around, the girls were talking to this ridiculously tanned, ridiculously huge guy whose head looked two sizes too small for the rest of his body. This was not helped by the fact that he wore an itty-bitty muscle tank. His boobs were 3 cup sizes bigger than mine, and--unlike mine--he could make them jiggle up and down on demand.

Anyway, after we got our fill of MJ, we headed to bed, and then the next morning Carolynn and I went on a short run through town, passing through Smith's beautiful campus. Although it was not nearly as beautiful as Swarthmore, and I only say this because I am biased. We had breakfast at the Green Bean, where we were joined by CHristy, and Amy, the sweet engaged girl (NOT, however, the same girl who was attempting to do SOul Train all over the place). Amy was a former rafting instructor, and she shared with us a series of gun/muscle jokes, while pointing to her own biceps. The girl was petite and thin but BUILT. Why is everyone here so healthy and fit? Sheesh! Anyway, we all go to this little hideaway creek in Conway, where we find a private secluded spot on rocks and lay out in the sun. Then Carolynn and I forage through the...CT River? Creek? Moving body of water? to a clay bank, and we proceed to rub wet clay all over ourselves for a DIY spa treatment. Such fun! I swear, I think I took care of one of the (many layers of) callus under my feet.

We headed off to Carolynn's parents' house in Hadley, because I LOVE HER FAMILY. She is the eldest of 4 sisters, and they are so good at making you feel comfortable. Her mother had made blueberry foccacia, and the dad was making a blueberry-marinaded chicken and sausages on the grill. Her mother had also made some sour apple vodka frozen drinky things, so we each had one from a fancy glass.

Then we shuttled off to Amherst to watch the fireworks, which were in celebration of the town's 250th anniversary. Also, if it's your town's 250th anniversary, you would think the fireworks would be freakin awesome. Alas, they weren't. We sat on a bench in a parking lot, drinking Budweisers from a can, and watched as each separate firework lit up for all of five seconds, before pittering out in a tiny burst of color and light. the 30 min show could've been reduced down to 10 minutes. NOnetheless, I still find myself a tiny bit mesmerized once I'm face to face with fireworks.

From there, we headed to the movie theatre, singing songs from Moulin Rouge--acapella style--the whole way there. We had tkts to see Away We Go, that new movie with Maya Rudolph and John Kaz$%&!*$ski from the office, written by Dave Eggers. Um.... it was a total DOWNER! It was all about this love between this unmarried couple, where the woman is pregnant, and they wander from city to city. And like, all they did was keep talking about their love. And even disregarding the fact that (A) such love only exists in fairytales and Peyton Reed films (B) if you aren't part of a couple, then you just feel sad and left out and (C) why didn't Maya Rudolph ever have morning sickness?; the movie seemed to be like an exercise in belly-gazing about their own love, and how self-contained it is, etc etc. Anyway. ANYWAY! The most memorable line from the movie--and true poetry to the ears of any girl--is when Jim from the office tells Maya "I will still love you even if you get so enormous I CAN"T FIND YOUR VAGINA." WHich was very sweet. But then it just struck me as words, words, words. Rhetoric. Blahbiddy blah blah bullsh*t.

SO anyway, the next morning, we shuttle back to Carolynn's parents' house to have breakfast with the fam before her sister Amy from New Orleans takes off, and then we go for a hike up Mt HOlyoke for the most beautiful vista of the Valley. And then we head to Puffer's Pond in Amherst with the tubes, where I proceed to jump onto my tube, capsize, hit my head on the bottom of the pond, in TWO FEET OF WATER, in front of like 30 little kids. I felt like such an idiot.

Then I got shuttled to SPringfield, where my bus was more than a half hour late, then traffic, then a 40min T-ride home, and then... That was the end of my Western Mass adventure.